Friday, February 18, 2011

If Skynet is still out there... Job's cannot die!

My Twitter Handle: @ReturnBarnitude

I know, you are surprised that I am not talking about boobs or women or ways to get there. But this is a serious issue to the awesome community.

Before the Turtle neck come along! He used to Suit up!


Mr. Jobs (RESPECT) is the (co-)founder of Apple or Pixar (or so you would want to think) Legendary people very well know it is not Apple that is Steve's biggest achievement. It is the much bigger than just an iPod or iPhone... He created an illusion; No a World and a need. That still is seen around the globe! An easy job? Hardly!

Get this you have the biggest and brightest developers working for you. With you telling them what to do,  a college drop-out at the fore-front of innovating and designing. That requires a clear-cut picture (a visionary) or maybe just a star-wars fan! 

Here is a challenge: Try convincing your maid to work 2 hours more and you'll know how miserable you are! Jobs has created something Wikipedia likes to call Reality distortion field! He convinces people to buy things they did not even know they would want until that 'moment!' If he were a Casanova he would have been getting laid every other minute.

When I was starting out... I worked with an awesome boss and he said to me, "You are what you are, but how about you tell them what you are? It is not okay that you just work, but tell the right people how you work. You my boy, are you're own spokesperson!"


Banished from the company he established, started a new company, innovation galore and such a rude shock!

Though this may sound to you fella's as an obit, all I want to say is, 'Steve was and is the guy to make humanity see communication and telephone since Alexander Graham Bell! (Read TechStreme Comics on him here

Normally I do not ask the universe for anything today I ask of you, 'One final keynote and then let your will be!' 



You need to watch:

 

P.S. If you want to get laid easy... you must have 1% charisma and convincing power of Mr. Jobs! True Story!


Sunday, January 2, 2011

Bro code is a sham! I propose a more contemproary theory.


Applause

Thank you, thank you! I have missed this feeling. Ah! The true joy of writing and meaning every single word of it. People reading the awesomeness that is Barnitude in my words.... What more can a person ask for? Just one thing, to perfect the theories 'laid' down by the greatness of the fictional Barney Stinson.

No, no... my only reader -- the one who ends up here everytime -- I write. Do not express your joy in those happy tears... I think I am back for good and this time to stay. Now, you may cry.

I have realised over the last year (an excruciating one year) in which I did not date -- due to lapse of judgement on my part. (More on that later) I, today propose a better theory than the bro code that will prevent any such lapse of judgements in the future.

I do not know – how many of you know, Fleming's rule?
Oh! Two of you! Nice. 

To those who do not know Fleming, he was an awesome physics dude. He determined the flow of current and the effects that it has on the particles around. 

My number two fan (Wiping her tears) Why are we talking about this? 

Good question, my number two fan...

I saw the diagrams closely and it seems like a normal diagram with lots of boring equations and basic bulls*it but on a closer inspection, revelation!


Now, this is the basic diagram of Fleming's rule. Seems stupid right?


Let me put it into perspective....

Consider the flow of current (the UP arrow) as the woman you are d(oing)ating or want to d(o)ate (the basic flow)... The flow around around the current, represented in red and marked as B is the world she creates around you -- that includes her bff's (AAAAAAAAAA!) *Shudders* The shout that can scare me to oblivion! If her BFF's are there, take your bro along yea?





What it means for the Bro Code?

The flow of chicks is the motion,
Current is the current chick you are dating and
Field is the Field with other chicks that are the closest to the current.

Now, see the two fingers that Fleming smartly folded in? Those are your Bro's who do not give a damn whom you're dating as long as you don't get on our nerve's.



To define what I am saying:
A chick passes through a street/college/bar/chat-room, resulting in a pick-up line/attempt. When you wrap your right hand around the universe around her with your fingers in the direction of the single chicks, your thumb points in the direction of getting laid.

Now, the probability increases if we follow the secret message in the Fleming's rule of Two Folded Fingers:
Two roots of all evil --  Conscious and Guilt. Two things that ruined a whole fuck*ng year of mine!

The new Flemings rule should be used in situations in which an ordered operation must be performed by two vectors a (you) and b (her) that has a result which is a result c perpendicular to both a and b.


 \vec{a} \times \vec{b} = \vec{c} 

 
 
 
What is C? Its the probability of how much further will you and your close friends get laid, if this shit does wrong with the current chick. 
 
 
How does one achieve it, you ask?
Do not conceal all the chicks for 'future needs!' Yes, reserves are necessary but get this -- more chicks you meet, more your close friends meet, and very simply put -- the CROSS PRODUCT C goes way farther than you can imagine. 
 
You need proof? 
Here is a Chinese man with a successful Fleming Rule implementation: 
 
Say Baddi Baadi Bang Bang, WANG!!
 
 
 
 

Friday, November 19, 2010

What they say is true, Bitches be crazy.


In the past few months of not blogging, I learnt a few new things:
Never sleep on a mat with an A/C going full blast and
its never too late to grow back balls.

But the most thing I learnt, though I wish it was untrue, women are dumb. There is something wrong with their basic brain chemistry that makes them wet for the wrong things.

“What does that mean?” Random guy, who still reads my blog and is my number one fan! What I mean is very simple, appreciating them gets you nowhere. Period.

“So, what is so new about that, you jackass!” Frustrated number one fan, what's new in that is that women are just not evolving.

Simply put, be a jerk. A jerk does not necessarily mean physical abuse. Rather physical abuse does not make you macho.

Why I wrote this blog in the first place:
On some random nights out on the street, I have seen women being dragged by their hair (metaphorically). One such event that horrified me was when a guy was actually was abusing a woman physically and verbally. The woman just stood there taking it, making sure no-one was looking at that. I and my photographer friend Pratik Desai, thought we should be helping... As weird as it may seem when the woman saw us approach, she left. That struck us like a bolt of lightning, especially me, I wondered sleepless that night, Why do women like abusive relationship?

This incident fucked me up, big time!
Since, that day I decided to change my attitude towards women. I was nicer, not as rude as I used to be, more understanding to their feelings(sensitive), attentive (torturous [My dad bla, my bro bla and my ex don't get me started] she did start on it) and everything gay. Not surprisingly, it has come back to bite me! 

It got me f*cking nowhere. Rather, I became like a punching bag. I used to be dominant; in the quest of being nicer I lost that. Expressing your real feelings, gives women a superiority orgasm, avoid doing it. No matter how good she looks... You seen better. Even better, there is one right on the next table.

I am not advocating physical or verbal abuse, never. Just that if you don't keep them on their toes or they shoot you in your face.

I thought understanding them is all I need, after I understanding them, I know they are just plain crazy. A dear friend (who is a woman) has agreed with a grin.

My Twitter handle is here, if you don't like what I say or need to rectify me. Feel free to contact me on Twitter.